secara nyata aku terangkan disini... aku manusia yg penuh tanggungjawab... dan kalau korg meragui tuh sebab nmpk muka aku budak2 ... sbb nmpk muka aku tak de masalah... sbb nmpk muka aku senyum... sbb nmpk perangai aku mcm budak2... mohon jgn judge aku... korg tak layak!! get that??
so why on earth am I writing this? to explain myself for things I've done lately... or should I say for yesterday only?? for those who throw me away yesterday... see this is my situation...
first , I lost myself... I'm trying to find my path again as my new sem just start to begin... I miss my past while struggling to grab the future that was so far away... maybe u don't know since u never be in my shoes... the people that I lose... my trust that they had destroy... my heart that people step on... like I'm some kind of useless... meaningless ... I pray to Allah to let me know some people worth keeping... I guess... HE show me instead of telling...
second... I'm trying to fight the coldness in me... for those who know me for a very long time.. I think I've told them thousand of time that I am "not alone"... in me there's another voice... that control me... science called it schizo... I did not... coz I am the one at fault for creating her to destroy people who hurt me... call it defense... back then I live in misery... I grow revenge for the bad things people do to me... each n everytime people hurt me... my heart turned cold n she play the role... that's why everytime people hurt me... the one who end up crying was them ... it wasn't me... that's why I keep myself quiet... I try to hold her in... I know creating her was the biggest mistake in my life.. she was never meant to exist... so I bet u think I'm agree or ignoring u when I keep myself quiet right? the real me fighting with a bigger or stronger power in myself... a power who trying to destroy everything that she hates... u don't know what's gonna happen if I let her go... u never know... or should I said u never gonna be able to imagine what she dare to do... coz from ur eyes... I'm a girl capable of nothing... while the truth... she( the other me) can kill if she want to... no mercy... so don't push me to that limit... she's fearless...
third... last night my lil bro having an accident... so I need to go home... n I can't go out since my parents still mad at him... and to say clearly, I'm not that some rich chick that spend her parents money as much as she want.. and right know, I'm trying my best to hold myself from spending too much money as my family facing some money issues... so to go out meeting friends every single weeks kinda too much for me too... for u who have everything... I'm sorry.. I have almost nothing... my families... they all that I have... and I'm a burden to everyone now... so I'm trying to stop myself from being selfish...
I try to understand everyone... I guess I won't be able to handle everything... me alone just not enough for them.. world just can't wait to see me crushed... but sorry world... this little girl might be little but she won't die from the struggle that u put her into... I'm afraid that one day her coldness will grow and end up killing u guys... so I better leave before U enter her world... coz the time u did... u can consider urself dead.... so long... may us never meet this way again...
hukuman kau manusia... ke atas aku dah hilang makna... aku dah terima terlalu bnyk hukuman dari kau yg bercanda menyebarkan kasih sayang sedang kau tak sedar... kau punca kasih sayang itu hilang... aku takkan pernah muat dalam duniamu manusia... hanya semata aku tak sama.... hanya semata aku berbeza... hiduplah manusia... seperti mana kau mahu... mungkin seharusnya aku kembali ke dalam dunia aku... yg mana kamu tak daya capai dan melukankanku... seperti selalu...
biar tersalah ampun jgn tersalah hukum....
aku xpenting utk kau sekarang... sampai aku hilang pun aku xkn pernah penting kan?
bila nanti kau cari dan aku hilang jejak... aku harap kau faham... aku dah tak mampu bertahan...
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