why is it?

    why is it? why did it happen to be the other way around? why is it? why can't i be true to myself? why is it? when we sad we cry and run away so that no one knows? why is it? when we mad, sad or feel hurt the one that beating so fast is our heart? why is it when we hurt our heart and the same time we hurt ourselves the heart hurt more that the injuries? why is that?
     why is it? why did there are so many questions left unanswered in my heart? why is it? again this heart feel lonely? why is it? i try to make myself busy but the more i try to hid it the more it's shown. why is it? there's a hole in my heart that i don't know what and i don't know how it got there.. but this hole conquer me.. the silent that i used to love feels heavy.. and the song that i like the most feels boring... why is it?
     i try to change myself.. find what's wrong with me.. found some solution and work on some suggestion but it didn't work.. why is it? what did this heart again wish for? i can't see any path to go.. i don't see any light to grab.. and didn't even hear any voices that call me... why is it?
    what should i do to correct it? all around me feel so dark.. feel so blur feel so silent.. is this what we call loneliness? why is it? what should i do to correct it? what? can someone tell me? can someone call my name? this hole slowly drag me into some dark place.. that i can't seem to keep alive in it.. why is it happen to be like this? am i getting weaker from what i've lose? someone explain to me..
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